I guess it is genetics. I have no clue. To this day, I wonder why I am so happy being alone all the time. This doesn't seem normal. Yet, I have been this way for over 50 years. I just like being alone. The weird and perplexing thing is I long to belong. There have been very rare times in my life, I felt like I belonged to something. I was a part of a crowd or community. I sure never felt that in my school days. High school was a nightmare for me. Once I got to Wayne State Art department, I started to feel like I was one of crowd. This was the first time in my life, I felt like I was a part of something. The unfortunate part is we graduate. That feeling leaves. We are alone again.
So, I went on with my life. I have never felt a feeling of community in my new home, St. Petersburg. I just never felt a connection for multiple reasons. It is sad really. I want so much to be a part of a community now. However, I am the wrong age or my art experiences are too different or I am just plain too weird (and old). This is all too sad. I would really like to feel like I BELONG before I die.
I don't know if that will ever happen.